Is it just me or is there a sense of betrayal felt when you walk in to order your morning coffee and see different baristas behind the counter? How can I trust these novices to take my coffee order? They don’t know me. They don’t know the precise coffee to milk ratio that I like, or just the right amount of whip cream to put on my coffee. I was standing in line waiting to place my order and all I could think was that no one informed me that this change was going to take place, they didn’t even ask me how I felt about it. These impostors with their bright smiles were acting like they had always been here. Smiles, by the way, that were obviously fake because no one that has to wake up before seven in the morning to go to work can be that happy.
And just when I thought that this coffee run couldn’t get any worse, I notice a slimy, white splatter on the floor beside a woman that’s in front of me in line. As I am trying to do some detective work to identify the gooey substance, I assess this woman who has a baby hanging in front of her in a baby carrier. The baby is facing outward. I notice some of the white gunk on the baby’s foot. At this point, my flawless investigative skills helped me deduce that the goo was baby puke. I decided to inform the mother of her baby’s recent offense and I guess she reacted how parents normally do in these situations. She put a face of utter disgust, nodded and said “I know.” She knew. Her baby puked and she didn’t even attempt to clean it or cover it with napkins. She decided that the best thing to do was to walk right past it and order her coffee. She started walking away once she received her order and then, as an afterthought, waved in the direction of the puke and told the barista “my baby threw up there. can you clean it?” and left. Did I mention that she left and didn’t bother cleaning her child’s foot? That’s when I realized that baby carriers or slings or whatever they’re called are genius! If your kid pukes, it lands on the floor or the person in front of you. As long as it doesn’t land on that hot new outfit you’re wearing, who cares? If she was really thinking she would have put the baby in the carrier on her back, that way the puke lands behind you for other people to deal with, you never even notice it happened so you’re not grossed out by your offspring’s bodily fluids and there’s less of a chance for you to step on it.
The other thing I took away from this was that that baby has some crazy puking etiquette. She did her thing while we were all standing in line and no one noticed. No fussing or crying, she kept it classy. Other babies can learn a thing or two from her.